We won't sleep together?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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