I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
