i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
