if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
