This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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