Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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