Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My vagina is very pro this idea
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
