just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize