How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
