Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
