i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
