i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
