Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
