why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
