I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
