Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
