playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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