I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
