Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
