You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
