Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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