like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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