You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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