There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize