i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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