I wish my penis had an off switch
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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