Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
