I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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