somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize