apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize