You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
