All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
