Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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