So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
