Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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