Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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