I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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