you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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