i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
