i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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