soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
