i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
