Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
