none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
