so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize