I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
