C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Who put my cat in the fridge?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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