you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
how does that bad decision feel?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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