yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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