I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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