We're facebook friends in real life
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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