He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
