I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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