People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
