I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
