remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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