Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize