2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
