dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
