Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
