I can text with my tongue
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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