i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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