the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
