Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
