I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
