The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I fill condoms, not promises.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
