I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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