you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
