I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
