i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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