I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
