Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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