He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
