don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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